are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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