Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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