I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
