Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
