and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
