Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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