Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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