I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize