I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize