I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
