Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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