I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she peed on how many people?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
