I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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