just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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