who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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