I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
