i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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