apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
