You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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