he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
