i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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