Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
