when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
