Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
