I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
