fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
