What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
