You can't motorboat a personality
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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