The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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