when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize