Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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