She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's like iHOP with fire
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize