last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
