he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
