Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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