apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize