I look better un-naked...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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