I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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