For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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