fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
