chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
