Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
