Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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