just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
