i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
