I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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