So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
