If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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