there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
