...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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