Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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