woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize