I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
