I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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