I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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