she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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