I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
