Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
