I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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