woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
