I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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