I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize