How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
