Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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