put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
